Sunday, February 27, 2011

Flying = :s

Four hour flights are a test of one’s sanity; it’s absolutely guaranteed that no matter who you are old or young, you’ll find yourself fidgeting on a four plus hour flight, really how could you not. I am stuck on one such flight; luckily my seat partner didn’t make the flight, one large bench for me. I’ve spent the early hours of my day traveling from Toronto to Chicago and now onto Salt Lake City. I made several interesting revelations while en route.

1) Never travel for business on a Saturday; Saturday is for pleasure travelers, family travelers, and anyone else who isn’t required to be there; I’m required to be here. It’s frustrating, the majority of them act as if they’ve never set foot in an airport before and at least 25% of people make stupid mistakes at every possible well marked checkpoint, perhaps it’s because the signs are in English… I need to look into literacy statistics when I land… Overheard conversation of the day: United Customer Service) everyone make sure you have your boarding passes ready if you’re going to check your baggage in this line. (After at least 10 cycles of the previous statement, he addresses two girls well ahead of me in line) Ladies do you have your boarding passes ready? Ladies) No, do we need them? United CS) Yes, you’ll have to go back to the kiosk and check in. Ladies) Well that’s just stupid, there should be a sign… Which brings me to my next point; if three blind mice can end up dead in the time span of a 6 line musical round, then two deaf girls should never travel together.

2) Adults are addicted to Starbucks! To put it in perspective, I was going to grab something at Starbucks for breakfast. I don’t go often enough to know drinks by name so I gravitate toward items that have exciting titles like Grande, or Venti! As I was about to hop into the massive Starbucks line at Pearson international I realized that the people at the back of the line, aka me would be there for some time before they were served so I opted to go to the vacant Molson pub next… door. Sorry I just popped the cover off of my S key, didn’t actually know that modern laptop keys clip on and off, learn something new every day. Back to the story. By the time I had finished my eggs Benedict, enjoyed my tea and paid my bill I checked next door to see how the Starbucks line was doing. To my surprise it was larger than before and the people that would have been just ahead of me in line where just about the counter area either being served or on deck to be. What a strange addiction, I would have lost my mind if I had to stand in line for a beverage for that long, it’s just a coffee or latté or caramel macchiato, and a little something that keeps them coming back, perhaps it’s smack…

3) Terminal C at O’Hare is fat food alley from gate 70 to 17, I felt fatter just being there, the smell of burnt butter and fryer grease in the air. I don’t know who planned that section of the terminal but I’ve never spent so little time window shopping a concourse. I was going to grab a snack at McDonalds (one of the healthier options, no joke) but I opted to stop at the Something Goose and grab a pint with a buddy of mine. Beer, the brunch of champions, demonstrated Illinois’s social responsibility hard at work even at 9:00 am. To top it off I had a conversation with a mother at the gate, who was traveling with a toddler, the mother told me she was jealous and would kill for a rye and coke. Alcoholism is a demanding lover. Oh yeah, guess what has an outstanding lineup in Chicago too? Hint, starts with star, ends with bucks; huge lineups again, grande hilarious!

Anyway, that catches me up to now, still on the plane, still bored and fidgety, probably doesn’t help that I have a short attention span, comma splice.

Post from 12:00 Central, Saturday February 26, 2011