Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Be funny and get to the point... Don't point, it's rude...

Good morning early readers, I have no idea why I'm not hung over right now; sure it's a Wednesday and you probably shouldn't be hung over on a Wednesday but sometimes life creeps up on you and says "hey, time to have some fun on a weekday!"

Anyway, I wanted to get these thoughts on paper... screen... before they float away on the torrid sea of my mind.

We had a get together, four people, drinks laughs and a plan to head out to one of Waterloo's finest places to eat Bhimas Warung. A real hole in the wall but world class quality, they have amazing everything and although pricey it's well worth a visit. Anyway, they were closed when we finally arrived so we had to make the game time decision. Bauer Kitchen or Rude Native, we knew the Bauer was going to be dead, so Native it was. The place had live music and the band was drawing people in, so it didn't seem bad. How wrong we were, the staff was busy serving drinks and drinkers and it was about 10:30 at this time so we're much more hungry than thirsty. Our first waiter had no time for us and the second waitress had many more tables than ours to worry about. In English, service was slow... Hard to blame them but really that's poor planning on management's part and a simple acknowledgement from the waitress that our service was sucking would have been nice... Didn't get it... Just sass... More on that later.
The appetizer menu is the only menu at night like many restaurants, every app has a deliciously alluring description and they're all $11. We order 5 things and assume they'll be plenty for four people to eat.
Problem 1) the food takes forever to show up, we were starving when we arrived so by the time the food came we're nearly eating the table dressing.
Problem 2) We get 4 of things we wanted and samosas, we didn't order samosas we ordered steamed clams, I can understand the mix up they may sound the same in a loud environment.
Problem 3) the overworked waitress is sassy and sass is a pain in the ass when I'm the one tipping you not the other way around. "We didn't order samosas" "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm sure, we ordered steamed clams" "Well it's for your table" "Understandable but we didn't order them"... Let's pause here, people in the service industry ATTENTION PLEASE, if you fuck up an order the best way to impress the customer into granting  you a good tip is to give them more than they wanted. In other words, leave me the samosas and get the clams too and I'll tip you...
Problem 4) Instead of that, this happened, she grabs the samosas and says "we won't charge you for these" sweet, because I didn't order them and you're taking them away from us so if I were a mathematician, nothing plus nothing equals more frustration points for this service.
Problem 5) the portions are small, 6 apps wouldn't have even come close to filling us up and for $11 each that's a big deal.
Problem 6) the food sucks, as in we only finished the burnt breaded shrimp out of all of the items, I could go on about this point but I'd rather say I'm plainly disappointed. I've been to the Rude Native before for great meals but that was several years ago. Out of the 5 appetizers we had not one was up to the calibre of food I'd expect from an Applebee's let alone a restaurant with prime real estate in Uptown Waterloo masquerading as a fine dining establishment.
Problem 7) we ordered the bill as soon as the food arrived because we wanted the hell out pretty early on, the waitress chose the end of the meal to tell us that our crappy-apps were only $4 each, which makes me think, why are regularly $11 apps $4... Is this the food that's going bad or the C team in the kitchen? If the shoe fits...

Counting back from 10 I give this service a whopping 3 tin stars... Craptacular!

We left, hungry, went to McMullan's which always has great pizza and many great beers on tap, get a wheel and finish it off just in time to catch a cab back home to go to sleep because it's late and we're tired. Two great revelations at McMullan's... In the washroom, where I do a lot of thinking...

A) The urinal pads they use are shaped like the Cobra Insignia (that's right, the G.I.JOE Cobra insignia)

B) Some vandal scrawled "Relax... Just Pee..." on the wall in front of the Urinal. It worked and the light bulb in my head flickered to life. These in-your-face-while-you're-peeing advertising companies should capitalize on this concept. Blank white page, black text "Relax... Just Pee..." some sort of logo for the product that you're plugging in the bottom right. Ingenious, or so I'd like to think. Motivational Pee-vertizing! TM, MD, PHD ESQ


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